This last week has been really hard. I have felt extremely low, and sad. And for the first time in a long time its been for no apparent reason. I’m not even sure what brought this on its like a switch went off in my head and I woke up sad one morning. I’ve also had this stomach turning anxiety following me around, yesterday I actually had a panic attack and I couldn’t breath properly. I felt as though I was drowning in my feelings so to speak. Its a horrible feeling to have, but I finally broke down last night and had a good cry. I am feeling a little better today just very tired and emotionally drained. I also have zero motivation. But I’m grateful the lump in my throat is no longer there.
My biggest struggle when I have episodes like this is feeling like no one understands what I’m going through. My husband has no idea what to say, so he just smiles and rubs my back. Now when I was in labour this motion was fantastic! But when I’m feeling severely depressed, Its not so effective! He means well.. I spent the day on the couch binge watching Netflix trying to distract my mind from sad thoughts, and my body from crippling anxiety. And I’m now back in bed before 7pm. Sounds horrible right? BUT tomorrow is a brand new day and mumma is going out! Now I know your thinking heels loud music right? Its actually more like a trip to target for cot sheets and some new shoes but hey when your a mum a target trip is just as exciting as hitting the town hotspot! I am so excited. I’m excited to get my iced coffee, I’m excited to cruise up and down the isles, heck I’m excited to hear the store playlist!! I will beat this feeling, One shopping trip at a time. Haha joking! I have a doctors appointment the day after to get back on my medication. Lets hope I don’t over spend tomorrow.
My daughter doesn’t need an amazing mother, she needs a happy one!