Today my little girl is 8 months old. I gave birth to her 8 months ago. But I became her mother the minuet that second line appeared. My whole life I wanted to have a baby. I wanted a tiny little person to depend on me. I wanted to give my child unconditional, insanely passionate, pure love. Pregnancy is not glamorous, Labour is so physically hard and draining. But nothing prepares you for motherhood. Here I was thinking I had this in the bag. I thought it was going to be so easy because I was great with children. Boy was I wrong. In these last 8 months I have felt every single emotion humanly possible but I’ve also felt love like I never have before. My daughter has taught me so many things, and given me real life lessons. This is what I know so far..
- Being a parent is like walking around in a maze blindfolded. You’ve got no choice but to figure it out if you want to get to the end.
- Babies are so resilient, they don’t care if your stressed or so sleep deprived your crying. They still just want you.
- Its okay, to not be okay. You do not leave the hospital with instructions. Your learning as you go. Your baby does not care if that nappy is on backwards.
- You have to take care of yourself, to be able to take care of your child.
- Your baby will always forgive you. You may have gotten a little annoyed because they threw the food all over the room, or they pulled off there cot bumpers for the 200th time, its ok mumma just breath. They still think your amazing.
- Nobody in the world will make you as happy as your baby will. I have times when I’m feeling crappy and all I want to do is crawl into that little cot and snuggle up next to her. Or I want to wake her so we can sing itsy, bitsy spider and I can hear her giggle.
- It gets lonely. Being a stay at home mum is very isolating, but being with your best friend every day is pretty awesome too!
- Let them be little. Everyone told me, don’t let her sleep with you, she will never grow out of it, I try to bring her to bed with us any chance I get. Before we know it she will be 10 and asking me to shut her bedroom door behind me, I try to take in every single second of her still needing me.
- Don’t beat yourself up. For months I kicked myself for my 29 hour labour ending in an emergency caesarean. I felt I didn’t “give birth to my baby” then when my body didn’t produce any milk, I felt “great I cant even feed my child” like I’m suppose to be doing. “Um my job is to make sure her tiny belly is full, nothing more. Fed is best”
- My parents were crap parents. As harsh as that sounds. Becoming a parent myself, I realised all the opportunity’s I missed out on as a child. And all the love and support I didn’t receive. Our child will never grow up and be able to say that.
I am still coming to terms with the fact I had a baby, it is so weird to look at her tiny face or little body and think “wow, I made that”.
But I did. Those tiny little kicks I felt that then turned into huge punches, for 9 months, that was her inside my belly. It is a very strange but amazing feeling. In these last 8 months I have watched her smile for the first time, seen her little teeth pop through. Heard her laugh uncontrollably when daddy tickles her. Taught her how to sit up by herself. Rocked her for hours trying to make her sleep. Heard her say dad, and watched the pure happiness she projects out into the world every day. Its been quiet a journey. We’ve cried, we’ve laughed and we’ve cried from laughing. Becoming parents was the best decision we ever made. I look forward to a lifetime of you calling me mum.
I love you beyond words.
Happy 8 months Evie Lee.